The Fool-Proof Plan
by Midnight Alexis Thorn
Summary: England smirked to himself. Ha! This plan was perfectly fool-proof! This'd teach France for sure! Make him think twice about doing this crap again! France would be so put out and confused, and then- Whoops, he shouldn't give out the plan quite yet. A/N: Guys, this is pervy trash. Do not read. I repeat, do not read.


England smirked to himself. Ha! This plan was perfectly fool-proof! This'd teach that fuck-face France for sure! Make him think twice about doing this crap again!

...

France blinked as England brushed against him slightly as they stood in front of the brewing machine. "Good morning, cher." France smirked. "Morning, Francis." Arthur flashed a small, adorable smile as Francis's breath hitched. Arthur brewed some tea as Francis took a moment to recollect himself. "S-So," Francis began, hoping the Englishman hadn't noticed his stutter _(he had)_ , "how have you been lately? Any, ah, fun nights I should know about?" Francis smirked just to get things back to his norm.

"No." Arthur answered innocently, looking up at the slightly taller male through long lashes. "I'm waiting for the right time and the right guy." Arthur spoke sweetly, then stirred his tea as Francis looked faint and slightly pink. Before this, Arthur had never given anyone a lead on his sexuality. Also, Francis was a complete sap for things like waiting for the "right one."

"Walk with me to my seat?" Arthur asked as Francis immediately forgot about making his coffee. "Oui, oui, of course!" Francis followed slightly behind like a love-sick puppy as Arthur smirked slightly.

"What's the old man up to?" Alfred's eyes narrowed dangerously on the two older males. "I'd prefer not to know." Matthew admitted softly as he witnessed Arthur flutter his eyelashes slightly, causing Francis to quickly swoon. Alfred's eyes narrowed further at the display. "France better not have given Artie any aphrodisiacs." He growled dangerously and... Semi-possessively? Matthew really didn't bother wondering with his family anymore...

"I'm sure he didn't." Matthew soothed, gently patting his brother's arm. "Humph." Alfred grunted in reply, seething slightly in his seat.

...

"As global warming is a very serious issue nowadays," Germany began, Francis paying attention more or less- Until soft skin trailed under his pant suit. Francis's eyes widened as he jerked up slightly. His eyes flew over to a pouting Arthur. Arthur stared into his eyes with his cheek in hand, elbow propped on the table. Francis blinked several times, trying to make sense of it. He decided (rather reluctantly and sulkingly) that he was imagining the touch.

That was until a foot trailed up and up his leg, warmth seeping through the silk of his pant suit, and going higher and higher still and that was his thigh, if he went a bit higher he'd touch-

Oh.

Mon.

 _Dieu._

Francis swallowed thickly as he shifted, his eyes darting over to the still-pouting Arthur. Francis searched the other's eyes wildly. What was he doing? Why was he doing it? Francis stifled a moan/gasp as the smaller male shifted his foot on top of _there_ ever-so-slightly.

 _'Bored.'_ Arthur mouthed, still pouting with pink lips, the lower one jutting out just so and he really wanted to _take_ it and _nip_ and _suck_ and-

"I have to use the restroom." Arthur stated innocently before removing his foot and standing. "Alright." Germany nodded before Arthur walked off, slight sway of his hips following. Francis hastily stood. "Ohonhon~" Francis laughed nervously when Arthur left the room, "I really think I should walk him, non? The buddy-system as you put it." Francis laughed anxiously again before taking off after him.

Everyone blinked as Alfred's eyes narrowed dangerously again. "It's about time those two got together~" Someone unwisely hummed as Alfred lost it. Alfred stood up abruptly and nearly knocked his chair over. "You know, I think I have to go to the bathroom, too." He lied before storming off after the other two, eyes plainly angry and... jealous?

"U-Um, buddy-system!" Matthew squeaked before taking off after him. "I'll never get those four." Someone shook their head. "Agreed." Another sighed.

...

Arthur smirked to himself as he walked calmly to the restroom. Ha! The French bastard was probably so confused and put out! Hahaha-

Arthur gasped as he was pressed into the wall. His eyes were wide as they landed on the Frenchman when the larger male turned him around and pulled his wrists above him. Francis pressed into him, causing the Englishman to become flustered. "Arthur, somehow, you're being very, ah," He paused a short moment as if to search for the right word, shifting his thigh between Arthur's legs, "fruity today." He smirked down at him.

"Ah... Is- Is that so?" Arthur gulped slightly, giving the other male a small, nervous smile. "It is." Francis simply answered before leaning down slightly to the green-eyed man's ear. "I like it." He huskily informed Arthur, causing him to go oven more pink. Francis kissed a small, sensitive spot below his ear just so and Arthur keened accidentally.

Arthur quickly bit his lips and prayed that the other didn't hear. Judging by the smirk against his neck, he had. Francis kissed ever-so-gently down his neck- Not sucking, not nipping, not leaving the slightest trace.

Francis kissed along his collar bone, then back up to his neck and to his jaw. He found a spot he rather liked and nipped at it. Arthur flushed further and whimpered. "Fr-Francis..." Arthur shifted, accidentally rubbing himself on said male's thigh.

Francis rolled his hips back in just the greatest way and Arthur reaaaally was unsure why he had been resisting Francis, like, ever. Francis continued his ministrations on Arthur's jaw, making sure he would leave a mark.

This was the scene Alfred and Matthew stumbled upon.

 _Francis rubbing against Arthur._

 _Francis holding Arthur's wrists hostage above his head._

 _Francis sucking and nipping at his jaw._

 _Arthur whimpering and looking flushed._

"... Um... Maybe we should just..." Matthew started before Alfred jumped into action. Alfred stomped up to the Frenchman and grabbed him by the shoulder before whirling him around.

He then promptly slammed his fist into the other's face. Matthew barely pulled Arthur away in time to avoid Francis stumbling back against the wall.

"Mon Dieu!" Francis gave a nasally gasp, holding his profusely bleeding nose. Arthur's eyes widened as Alfred approached Francis, lifting up his suit jacket's sleeve. Arthur felt mildly bad, even though this was the reaction he had been waiting for from the American, hoping it would keep Francis away for a long while after. "W-Wait, Alfred, you've already given him what he deserved, his nose is likely broken!" Arthur tried reasoning.

"I'll break a few other things, too." Alfred growled before Arthur tackled him quickly in a hug. "You've already saved me, my hero." Arthur tried, knowing this one would get him at least slightly.

Sure enough, Alfred's chest puffed out slightly and his fist lowered before taking refuge around Arthur's waist. "I did, didn't I? I'm such a great hero." Alfred smirked, completely forgetting about Francis in favor of smirking down at Arthur. "All in a day's work, now let's get back to that meeting, yeah?" He grinned before leading Arthur out of the bathroom, forgetting Francis and Matthew completely. Arthur looked back at them and rolled his eyes as he discreetly gestured at the American.

As they left, Francis whined something incomprehensible to Matthew. Matthew shook his head in response, grabbing some paper towels before handing them to his past caretaker. "Clean yourself up." Matthew sighed, hand on his hip.

"But Matthieuuuu." He whined nasally, holding his nose in one hand and the paper towels in the other. "You brought this on yourself. You need to learn some self-control once in a while, maybe if you did you wouldn't get beat up by angry lovers/future lovers so often." Matthew huffed before taking the paper towels from Francis and gently dabbing at the other's nose after he removed his hand.

"Arthur's the one who- Ow!" Francis yelped when a slightly harder dab was given to his nose. "It doesn't matter. You need to learn to control yourself." Matthew huffed, looking so stern and in control that Francis just couldn't help himself.

He gave a small grope to Matthew's rear before the other squeaked.

"Kesese, Matt- Francis, get your unawesome hands off my birdie's booty!"

"Ow! Ow! Mon ami, I didn't mean to! Matthieu, help me!"

"Told you so."

"Matthieuuuuu!"

* * *

 **Wat even- I dunno, guys. I just dunno. There was like zero plot in this. This is dirty trash. I am dirty trash. I should go live in what I am. Review, please.**


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